An elderly couple had been married for some time. They had no real problems in their marriage, except every morning as the husband awoke he would fart.

Not just any old fart, mind you. They were mighty thunderous explosions which would not only wake the wife from her slumbers, but would leave her retching from the over-powering stench.

Each morning she would implore him to desist from such behaviour, but he would reply that there was nothing he could do about it. It was just natural flatulence.

“Natural flatulence is one thing.” she would say “what you get up to is dreadfully wrong! Best go see a doctor because one of these days you might shit your guts out!”

Anyway the years passed and one morning she was downstairs preparing a turkey for Thanksgiving. He was still upstairs fast asleep. She looked at the turkey in front of her. Next to it was a bowl with the neck, the feet, the gizzard and the intestines. A malicious thought occured to her.

She took the bowl of mess quietly upstairs, gently pulled back the covers and slotted the whole lot of cold wet slimy crap into her husbands jocks. Then she went down to continue with her cooking.

About ten minutes later she heard him start with his trumpeting. Suddenly, she heard him give a blood-curdling scream, his footsteps running above to the bathroom. “Ja you bastard” she smiled to herself.”Tweny-six years of farting, I finally got my revenge!”

She was just about to put the turkey in the oven when the husband came downstairs looking as white as a sheet. “What’s the matter dear?” she asked, biting her lip to stop herself from laughing.

“Well honey,” he said. “All these years you’ve been saying I would shit my guts out. This morning it happened!”

“Oh NO!” she said. “Thats terrible!”

“Not to worry,” he replied. “By the grace of God, my two fingers and some petroleum jelly, I managed to stuff it all back in again.”

Advertisements