I have always known I am “different” from the rest of my peers. In primary school I was the smallest in class. I wore spectacles, and at the tender age of nine, small bespectacled boys are usually teased and bullied. They are labeled as ‘nerds’ and are ostrasized from the ‘popular lot.’

I had just changed schools, from a very small Catholic boys only private school, to a large bilingual government school with girls in too. It was all very over whelming and I was immediately targeted. I put up with it for the first few days but soon grew tired of being shoved, tripped, flicked etc. One day I got shoved while in line at the tuck-shop. I lost it. I picked up a piece of pvc pipe and layed into my persecutor with a vengence. His entourage tried to stop me from taking out their Don, so I vented some of my pent up fury on them too. A teacher eventually intervened and we were sent back to class.

Now, I realised I was going to get it. I was terrified of leaving the classroom to walk home. I would be ambushed by the thugs in the days ahead and they would exact their revenge. I befriended two brutes who were similarly ostracised. One, a pimply fat boy, the other a massive greek. We became the best of friends and they acted as my body guards. We used our oddities to the best of our advantage. We were’nt the ‘good lookers’ but we were the funny, the intelligent and the unusual. Before long we were invited to the “cool peoples” parties but we wouldnt show up. Instead we would pretend to be at even “cooler” peoples places.

By the time we were in junior high, it was US who were the trend setters. We decided who could come to OUR parties. We had the first choice on the girls. They just loved us! (still do) I don’t know what happened to Pork Chop, but 28 years later, I am still good mates with Zorba the Greek. And my popularity has gone from strength to strength. Hell, even Yoko Ono follows me on Twitter.