My wife said to me embarrassed, ‘I think there’s something wrong down there, I’m worried, will you take a look?’

So I popped my head under the covers, ‘your right love, its a fucking mess, the lips are all over the place and it smells like a dead otter. Might have to go the doctors.’

It wasn’t until I popped my head back up to see her choking back the tears, red faced, that she was on about her ingrown toenail.