I sit here on the eve of the 2010 FIFA World Cup and frankly, I know squat about football. I am not ashamed to admit it, because I have absolutely no interest in the game at all. I think it is disgusting that the top players earn the salaries they do when millions of people starve. But that is not what this post is about.

This post is about the annoying trumpet like device blown by certain individuals mainly during South African soccer matches. The Vuvuzela.The vuvuzela came to international attention during the run-up to the 2009 FIFA Confederations Cup and 2010 FIFA World Cup, both hosted in South Africa. The world football governing body, FIFA, wanted to ban the use of vuvuzelas during the World Cup 2010 because of concerns that hooligans could use the instrument as a weapon and that businesses could place advertisements on vuvuzelas. However the South African Football Association (SAFA) made a presentation that vuvuzelas were essential for an authentic South African football experience, and FIFA decided in July 2008 to drop the ban, allowing vuvuzelas at Confederations Cup.Some football commentators, players and international audiences argued against the vuvuzela during the 2009 FIFA Confederations Cup. During the match between United States and Italy, BBC Three commentator Lee Dixon referred to the sounds as “quite irritating”. FIFA received complaints from multiple European broadcasters who wanted it banned for the 2010 FIFA World Cup because the sound drowns out the commentators. Netherlands coach Bert van Marwijk and Spanish midfielder Xabi Alonso also called for a ban, the latter saying the horns make it hard for players to communicate and concentrate while adding nothing to the atmosphere.Since I have no interest in really partaking in the games I thought I would at least embrace the atmosphere and the buzz surrounding the build up to the kick off. I do after all live in South Africa and we do love to have a party. The trouble was this GHASTLY sound whenever some maniac blew a bloody vuvuzela! I needed to justify my animosity or somehow get to appreciate the damn thing. I could only think of one positive use this blasted device. To stuff it hard and deep up the rectum of any idiot attempting to blow one. For some reason my sub-conscious kept telling me “no Pat. Its wrong!!” I began some careful in-depth research until FINALLY I found what I was looking for. Rooted deep in history. PROOF that we should not blow these things.

Ladies and gentlemen,